Give me your trust and I won’t lose it again

Or

Receiving trust

“Leave me alone, I just don’t want to talk about it. “I said leave me alone!”  This is what dad says to me whenever I try to open up to him. When he says these kinds of things to me I feel hurt. As if he doesn’t trust me or want to know me, but at the same time if he won’t talk to me, then neither do I.

My father and I no longer trust each other it’s a long story but basically, I learned to stop trusting, him and many other people in my life. I also learned that I’m not to be trusted if my own father doesn’t trust me, who else would?

For me, trust is about caring enough to hear both sides of the story. My father doesn’t. He basically believes everyone before me

It’s a different story with my mom. She trusts me. When my father and I stopped speaking. I totally shut down. I would come in the house and not speak to anyone. I would simply go to my room and shut the door  until it was time for school the next day.. I would shower, I’d eat, or I’d watch TV in the family room , but only if no one else was home. I felt like I wasn’t wanted, so I disappeared.

But one day, sneaking back to my into my room my mom after taking a shower my mom firmly invited me to sit down and “Have a talk”. She wanted to with me. She was giving me a chance to have my say. At first, I was afraid she was going to blame me, but she spoke in a way that made me feel as if she really wanted to hear what I felt and thought.

 

Where my dad would speak to my grandmother, Aunt Brandi, and Aunt Leeanna, anyone but me about our problems, my mom actually wanted to know how I felt. She let me be angry, sad and confused without telling me my feelings were wrong. She listened. This made me feel valued and loved. Once again. Her simple act of listening helped me trust her and myself again.

I realized now that listened is a crucial part of building trust. I trust my mom with my feelings, and I felt closer to her. A much as I want to talk to my dad, I wonder if I am willing to listen to him?

She wanted to work with me. She was giving me an inch of her trust back.

I’m glad she wanted to know what I thought and felt , I didn’t ever know what I thought or felt  until she got me to talk . She believed that I had something to say about the situation and that I need to talk about it.

My mom is the reason I am the way I am today. If it was not for her I would not be so caring, so easy to talk to. My mom is both of those things. It was like she understood me.

This made me think that as a child and growing up with this will I ever be able to the one to go up to him again and try to talk about the past or will he be the one to bring it up with me and will I find it in my heart to listen to what he has to say about the problem since how he has treated me for the past years have been bad and not loving. Should I care what he thinks now or eve